


quiet until . . . it's too late

by springcoups



Series: SEVENTEEN - 78 PAIRS WRITING CHALLENGE [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character Death, Flowers, Funeral, Hanahaki Disease, Jealousy, M/M, Some Fluff, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, all members are in it but only mentioned, brotp13, im bad at tags, jus a lil, seventeen is not a group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springcoups/pseuds/springcoups
Summary: lee chan has a different reason for every type of flower that comes out of his mouth(chansol hanahaki fic)





	quiet until . . . it's too late

the first time it happened there were daisies. they were white, they represented the start of something new, the beginning.

 

chan’s throat stung, sort of burned actually. the stems scratched his throat as he retched and eventually threw up a total of 5 flowers. the white flowers didn’t stay white for very long, due to all of the scratching and dry heaving they were covered in red, coated in blood. he always assumed that maybe once catching this disease the first time it would be fairly easy, maybe a small pile of petals or something, he never once expected a fucking  _ bouquet _ of  _ daisies _ .

 

chan got up from where he was sitting on the bathroom floor, on a fluffy rug that now held 5 daisies coated in red. he moved to the kitchen where he grabbed a glass with shaky hands and filled it up with water. after a few deep breaths and several glasses of water he sat and he thought about what could have caused this - you would think that it would be easy to know what kind of thing would cause  _ hanahaki disease _ but while dealing with blood covered daisies it was sort of hard to think clearly.

 

he leaned back against the counter and he let out a deep sigh. it finally hit him. 

 

_ hansol. _

 

it was easy for his name to come to mind as he was the one chan was closest to in their group of 13. whenever they would gather to watch a movie chan would immediately move to sit beside him, whenever they would go out to play a game of soccer he would practically beg to be on hansol’s team. others in the group would maybe play it off as chan simply looking up to hansol as he could be seen as a cool older guy, despite just being a year older. if they looked a little further they might have noticed the non-platonic intentions all of those things had.

 

maybe doing all of that did have platonic intentions but he was too blinded by just the idea of hansol that he didn’t notice them. 

 

the daisies, the ones that stand for ‘a new beginning’, ‘purity’, ‘innocence’, and ‘loyal love’ all left a sour taste in his mouth. it was all so ironic. how could an unrequited crush be any way related to the words innocence and purity, and loyal love? 

 

the realisation that chan had that made him realise that he truly did feel something for hansol was a lot. and it was even worse to know that this was something he could only keep to himself, we would have to sit with himself and throw up all these flowers and deal with all of these non-platonic feelings.

  
  


**_____________**

 

 

the friend group of thirteen went out to the beach one day. they all skipped out of their classes and decided to spend their day together.

 

the group split up into three groups – group one: seungcheol, wonwoo, jihoon, and minghao. group two: junhui, jisoo, soonyoung and mingyu. group three: jeonghan, chan, hansol, seokmin and seungkwan– as there were too many of them to fit into one car, two if they’re lucky but three was a safe and comfortable bet. 

 

jeonghan drove and seokmin sat beside him in the front passenger seat, which left chan, hansol and seungkwan to squish into the 3 back seats. chan sat behind seokmin, hansol sat in the middle, and seungkwan sat behind jeonghan. 

 

seungkwan and hansol were best friends, they were close, maybe the closest pair within their whole friend group, besides all the couples of course (like soonyoung and jihoon or seokmin and jeonghan). it seemed as if they were attached at the hip, of course until one was busy, and most of the times if it was seungkwan that was busy chan would take his spot.

 

and yes, chan was jealous. but often times that jealousy was subsided by the times he spent with hansol and the moments that they made with each other. 

 

instead of focusing on all of his jealousy he focused on both the soft music playing on the radio and the small conversations between jeonghan and seokmin, and seungkwan and hansol.

 

once all three cars found parking spots they got out and all spread out onto the beach. some went to go play a game of volleyball, others went to swim, some went to take photos and then the ones who just wanted to sit and admire the place. chan decided to pull out a large beach towel to sit on while he sat and looked at his surroundings. to others it may have seemed lonely but it really was something that chan enjoyed.

 

chan shut his eyes and he just laid there, the sun casting down on him and the waves crashing onto shore just to the right of him. it felt like he was laying there for hours until he felt someone come and sit down on the towel, by his feet.

 

he opened up one eye just to be met with the one and only hansol vernon choi. almost instantly he sat up and made room for hansol to sit properly on the towel. 

 

“what are you doing? don’t you usually go to play volleyball with the others?” chan asked, trying very hard not to make it seem like he was trying to push the other away or anything, he was just simply curious. 

 

hansol answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “i’m not entirely good at volleyball and i thought that chilling out here with you would be fun. relaxing as hell, but fun.” and with those words chan couldn’t help but give hansol a small smile.

 

chan shifted over so that hansol could lay down beside him. the space was a little bit small so there was no way that the pair wouldn’t touch, their shoulders were pressed right up against each other’s. maybe one of the straight ‘no homo’ members of their group – minghao – would have pulled away, but chan stayed there and his smile brightened just a bit more.

 

the two had their eyes closed, they felt like they were sleeping with how relaxed they were. chan was still very aware of things, and he had assumed that hansol had fallen asleep. so because he had the chance, he wiggled his fingers to the side and he rested his fingers on top of hansol’s. though the moment he did that, he regretted it, he could feel it in his throat that he was going to throw up. 

 

chan jumped to his feet and he immediately ran to the closest bush he could and he looked around as he coughed into his fist. hansol looked just simply confused so he turned around without any care of being seen and he threw up into the bushes.

 

the second type of flowers he threw up were delphiniums. delphiniums mean light hearted, and an open heart. 

 

with the pure and softness of the moment chan had with hansol while laying on the towel had brought this up. it was pure and it was innocent and the love he had for hansol was light hearted, just as the symbolism suggested.

 

chan slowly started to feel tears slip down his cheeks. he sniffled while he cleaned up or in this case, covered up, the flowers with dried up leaves from the bush.

 

“hey, chan?” he heard hansol come up quietly behind him. “are you okay?” hansol asked him in a soft voice and he placed his hand on the small of his back. 

 

without an answer he lead chan back to where they had been sitting just before and he bent down to pick up the blankets. “we’re going home.” 

 

hansol sent chan back to the car while he went and gathered everyone to say that chan was sick and they were going to leave. after hansol had managed to get everyone in their cars, they went off home. 

 

in chan’s car they all babied him asking him if he needed anything. he knew that what they were suggesting were things that were materialistic like tea or some blankets, maybe a heating pad. but all that chan wanted was for this stupid disease to go away, all he wanted was for hansol to love him and he knew that, that wasn’t what he was going to get.

  
  


**_____________**

 

 

their group of 13 pretended that they had a band sometimes. they even divided themselves into smaller groups and called them the hiphop team, performance team, and vocal team. sometimes they truly took it seriously, to the point where almost every one of them was confused on whether they were in a genuine group or not. today was one of those confused days.

 

the performance group that consisted of soonyoung, junhui, minghao, and chan had played around and made a song, not with serious intentions, and titled it jam jam. at the time of creation, none of the four were very good at rapping, but the lyrics were definitely written for a rapper and not a vocalist. they were left with practically no choice but to ask one of their friends from the hiphop team, which ended up being hansol.

 

chan was excited to say the least, he wanted to work with hansol, he was always so infatuated with the way he rapped and how passionate he became when he did so. and, he was also just infatuated with hansol in general, but that’s absolutely not the definite reason for him being excited at all.

 

the performance group along with hansol gathered at their local park, they gathered up on top of a hill and started playing around and singing the lyrics. and because no one knew whether they should take it seriously or not, they joked around for majority of the time.

 

chan started picking up the small forget-me-not flowers to fiddle with them. he started to twist them together until they eventually started to form some sort of flower chain, which gave the boy an idea. he joined both ends of the flower chain and formed them into a crown, to which he placed on top of hansol’s head.

 

the four others, minus chan, started to laugh as they looked at the new jewelry item on hansol’s head, it was weird to see him with something that looked so soft and feminine as he acted the complete opposite. while they laughed chan just simply smiled, it was a soft but genuine sort of smile. if anyone around him paid much attention they would have noticed how much love was laced within the looks he was giving hansol.

 

the day at the park had ended with not much progress, but in the end they had a lot of fun and agreed to do it again before they all went their separate ways. chan was the last to leave, he watched as everyone split up and once they were gone he pushed himself up and immediately regretted it.

 

he leaned over the patch of flowers just in time for the same type of flowers to climb their way up chan’s throat. the flowers would have blended in if it weren’t for the dark red colour seeped into the petals. it was a sickening sight.

 

throughout the day nothing had happened, he showed no sign of these flowers coming back to haunt him, he thought that maybe everything was okay, but of course he ended up being proven wrong.

 

once he thought he was contained enough to get up and walk back home, he realised something. forget-me-not flowers represented true love memories. that thought disgusted him. there was no way that there could be any true love memories made that day, not if he was puking the flowers. for as long as the flowers lasted, the further the idea of a true love memory being real between him and hansol became.

  
  


**_____________**

 

 

the fourth time it happened it wasn’t the same type of flowers, though they were also dark red but this time it wasn’t only due to the blood. but some preface as to what brought this up.

 

a few days after the first incident chan was sitting at the couch in the living room. although the tv was at a decent volume, all he could hear was hansol’s laughs coming from the kitchen.

 

the sounds brought a soft smile to his face, a smile that showed his fondness for the boy. hansol’s laugh was one of chan’s favourite things, it probably had to do with how gummy his smile became when he laughed and when you could see all of his teeth. it was endearing, really.

 

chan took a moment to think about hansol, all the other reasons that he was so endeared and captivated by him. it could have been his deep voice, maybe his quote unquote dicaprio looks, or maybe his soft personality. maybe it was the way that hansol was so in love with the idea and concept of music that he never felt a need to take his earbuds out, maybe the way that he was so into the song that he didn’t pay attention to his surroundings and feel like the clumsy - but cute - person he is. maybe it was all of the above.

 

the burning feeling in his throat came back while in the middle of his thoughts, interrupting them. he pushed himself straight off the couch and he ran to the bathroom and stood over the sink. and just in time the flowers crept up his throat and were soon laying in the sink. 

 

‘fuck.’ chan cursed in a hoarse voice, he coughed a bit to try and not let hansol potentially hear anything from the kitchen. 

 

and all of that leads to this, the fourth time chan threw up flowers. this time, the flowers were carnations, dark red coloured carnations. these flowers symbolise deep love and affection.

 

all of the thinking, all of the admiring sprung up by chan’s endearment for hansol lead to this. he was so in love with him, so much it hurt - not just his throat, but his heart. all of the love, the intense and sweet, tooth-rotting love, are the reasons he managed to throw up the flowers that represent what he was feeling.

 

it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair how chan was so clearly in love and the love wasn’t reciprocated. just the appearance of the flowers was so insulting, they screamed in his face ‘hansol doesn’t love you. give it up chan.’

 

that night he cleaned up the flowers and he went into his bedroom to sleep. he put in ear plugs to hide the sound of hansol’s laugh.

  
  


**_____________**

 

 

it was a few days after the carnations, he laid down on his bed, spread out all over the blankets. he wasn’t doing anything, just kind of staring up at the ceiling. he didn’t stop doing that until his bedroom door opened.

 

“hey, can i talk to you?”

 

chan could see hansol as he peeked his head out behind the door. hansol gave him a small smile to try and get him to say yes, to which chan nodded.

 

he sat up and moved to the edge of his bed so hansol could take up as much room as he wanted. (you could say that chan was clearly a little bit whipped).

 

“what’s up?”

 

it was a simple question, really. one wouldn’t expect for anything serious to come out of it, not often anyways. though of course something serious had to come out of it this time.

 

“i need relationship advice.”

 

chan’s heart dropped.

 

“what do you need?”

 

chan’s voice was shaky as he asked.

 

“there is this girl. and we go through periods of non stop talking and flirting, and it seems like she really likes me, but then out of nowhere she completely ghosts me! after she ghosts me for a few days she eventually comes back. i like her a lot and i don’t know what to do.”

 

so it was a girl. hansol was fucking  _ straight _ . if that didn’t feel like a straight jab to his heart chan didn’t know what else would make him feel that. 

 

chan stuttered and he couldn’t really come up with an answer for a few minutes. “maybe you should let it happen? and if she continues to do that then maybe you can end it?” he suggested, not being entirely helpful.

 

hansol shrugged in response.

 

“or you could just ghost her back? give her a taste of her own medicine?” chan was definitely more into this idea than the one he had previously suggested. was that wrong?

 

and in response to this suggestion, hansol just shifted closer to chan and rested his head against the other’s shoulder. 

 

the moment he felt hansol’s head on his shoulder he could feel in his stomach that the flowers he was oh-so-familiar with were burning and ready. chan pushed hansol away from him and he ran to the bathroom.

 

this time chan didn’t know what flowers they were. they came out in large clusters of small little yellow petals. despite knowing what they were or not, there was no way that these didn’t represent jealousy, chan thought to himself.

 

chan sat there for a bit before taking his time to clean the flowers, he thought about what he did to deserve feeling this, to deserve a now fucked up and scratched throat, to deserve a fucking best friend who was straight and absolutely  _ not into him _ . he also thought about why hansol hadn’t bothered to see what was wrong with him. maybe he was so done with him, maybe he went off to seungkwan, maybe he didn’t care about chan anymore.

 

he threw out the flowers and clutched onto a pillow as he attempted to fall asleep that night.

  
  


**_____________**

 

 

hansol now officially had a girlfriend. her name was soo- something, there is no way that chan cared enough to try and remember her name. he was consumed with an incredible amount of jealousy, consumed with an incredible amount of flowers

 

the past few nights chan had tried his hardest to subdue the flowers from coming up his throat, he knew it probably wasn’t good but he was do  _ done _ with letting the flowers have such an effect over him. they were just a massive smack in the face that reminded him that he wasn’t loved back, and that it sucks to suck apparently. 

 

though of course chan was somewhat happy for hansol, but in the end he wasn’t sure if he could deal with the fact that he was essentially the reason for his death, and he wasn’t sure if he could deal with the guilt of telling him it’s his fault.

 

for many days chan had those thoughts replaying and replaying in his head, ultimately keeping him quiet for weeks.

 

eventually it became too much for him. 

  
  


_ officially on april 19th 2017, lee chan had passed away. _

 

_ last seen on his bed, an arrangement or cluster of flowers cluttered the mattress around him. purple hyacinths (sorrow, forgiveness, regret) _ _ — _ _ for waiting so long and never telling hansol what was wrong with him, white clovers (think of me) _ _ —for the hopes that hansol will still recognize him as a friend, pink carnations (i’ll never forget you)—for hansol to know that chan will still always love him, and lastly cyclamen (resignation and goodbye)—for everyone to know that he was gone, but still loved them. _

  
  


**_____________**

 

the funeral was held that they. hansol took care of most of the arrangements, he said he did it so that his parents wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of picking out their son’s funeral flowers or such.

 

hansol chose purple hyacinths as the main flower. it would never express much, but at least it would show chan that he was sorry, and that he was feeling so terribly sad with the knowledge of him dying.

 

during his speech at the funeral he had to leave in the middle- he couldn’t deal with it, he felt like he had to throw up.

 

that day hansol threw up wilted and blood covered gillyflowers. 

 

the gillyflowers represented a happy life, the life that he presumed chan was living now that he didn’t have to deal with this horrific disease. the fact they were wilted meant that your love for someone could never be reciprocated, that the one you loved was dead.

 

hansol cried as he plucked the petals from the gillyflower, ignoring all the blood on his hands and white dress shirt.

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't had this edited or edited it myself so there may be some mistakes, sorry!  
> i hope it made you feel some things, i don't feel like i'm amazing at writing angst anyways SO


End file.
